The Void Cow #39

I stand tall, shaking off the headache from the smack that guard gave me from his little wooden stick. My blood runs hot. I feel like a volcano, ready to burst. I point to Queen Brandy and give her a shotgun stare. I’ve just had a peek behind the curtain of the universe—of all universes. Nothing phases me now.

“Let’s do some crazy void shit! That’s how we do it up at the Buttcrack Trail, y’all!” I declare.

My decree echoes throughout the throne room. There they stand, the Queen and her guard, flabergasted. My newfound confidence must be so intimidating that it leaves them speechless. They look to one another for a reaction. Yeah, they’re speechless.

The Queen lets out a chuckle. Then slowly the guards follow. Chuckles turn to laughs turn to manic bouts of hilarious laughter. Looks like I’m not in on the joke. Or I am the joke. Nah, that can’t be it. I’m clearly too confident to be the butt of a joke. That was the old me. This is the new me.

Wicking away a tear, the Queen alternates between giggles and asking me a question, “Does that mean you’ll consent to doing what’s needed to help us and serve your Queendom?”

“You know it! I’ve just made sweet love to the intersection of time and space, I’m ready for anything.”

“Did you get all that?” The Queen says with her head turned as if she’s talking to someone invisible.

An old woman pops out. She seems familiar. It’s that lady that got her car pooped on by those interdimensional birds!

“Yes, Your Majesty, the phrase of consent is bonded to this magic seal at the bottom of the curse contract. We have everything we need to go through with the ritual.”

“The ritual?” I squeak.

“The ritual,” the old witch parrots.

“Great,” the Queen says while snapping her fingers, “put them in the suit. Let’s get this ritual started.”

A guard steps in front of me and shoves an ornate robe into my torso.

“The ritual?” I squeal.

“The ritual,” the guard repeats. “Now get this on.”

“All right, where’s your nearest dress room?”

Another guard willfully bumps into me from behind. “No dress rooms. Strip naked and get this robe on. Now.”

I ask…


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