The Void Cow: The winner of #34 is…

I’m, like, ridiculously good looking.

“We always did want to take over that realm…” We chant to ourselves. “Good idea, us. Let’s continue gathering intel on that dimension for now. Figure out their weaknesses. Then, we’ll take them all down!”

We laugh in unison. Mostly. Harold laughs out of beat with us.

“Dammit, Harold, we talked about this. You have to laugh in step with the rest of us or it sounds weird!”

“Sorry,” says a dejected Harold.

“Let’s take a look at what our meat puppet, the Buttcrack Trail soldier, is doing.”

We open a portal through the eyes of the doofus human we’ve been manipulating. They’re talking to Queen Brandy.

“I…have no clue how I got here.”

Queen Brandy looks down on them—and on us by proxy—and says, “It’s simple. You’re cursed.”


“When someone is cursed, that means someone else made a contract with some powerful beings to facilitate the curse. That being, or beings in your case, do whatever they agreed upon in exchange for something…typically the soul of the person who initiated the curse. You take a dump in someone’s helmet or something?”

“Ew, no. Why would you ask that?”

“Does anyone have a grudge against you? Why would you think someone would curse you?”

“I’m, like, ridiculously good looking.”


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